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stonedagain
Initiate
Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Denmark
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 Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:15 pm Post subject: You raid with these people |
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Don't know if you guys have seen it before, but I find it hilarious  Enjoy!
Well worth the read...If you've raided in ANY MMO the majority of these apply. So the real question, who are you?
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
The GM- He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.
The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.
The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.
The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.
The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.
The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Metermaid- He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.
The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted.
Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.
The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.
The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"
The Prophet- Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact hat melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.
The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite diety that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.
The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.
The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.
The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.
The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.
The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.
The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.
The Buff-less Wonder - Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them.
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror.
Tootsie - Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know?
The Dumbest Person On The Planet: No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target.
The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive. It makes you a bit worried that an obviously intelligent person thinks you need spoonfeeding |
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Rylias
Epic Whore
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 140
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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yeah i saw this awhile ago on another forum, funny as hell  |
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Jedistrike
Officer
Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1867
Location: Denmark
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:49 pm Post subject: Re: You raid with these people |
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| stonedagain wrote: | | The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive. It makes you a bit worried that an obviously intelligent person thinks you need spoonfeeding |
I'm thinking Silchasruin hehe
Funny reading 
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Toranshalur
Silly hat collector
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 328
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
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hah :) |
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wipevirus
Hardcore!!
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young. |
thats me! however I bet you all noticed I am 12  |
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doopie
Epic Whore
Joined: 15 May 2008
Posts: 171
Location: Den Haag, Netherlands
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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lal very fun to read, especially when you recognize some off the peepz
each guild has them we all know it ^^
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androctasiae
Hardcore!!
Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Posts: 635
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?" |
I lold at this, irl
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Ok, we wiped on a grunt...so what?
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Disqie
Grunt
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 83
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| Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 7:55 am Post subject: Re: You raid with these people |
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| stonedagain wrote: |
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse. |
That's me all the way xD
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Stuff happens for a reason and it's weird and will never be understood...
God, glad I'm different. |
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Gith
Grunt
Joined: 10 May 2008
Posts: 70
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| Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:31 am Post subject: Re: You raid with these people |
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| stonedagain wrote: |
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
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Jamba? |
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Runningwolf
Silly hat collector
Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 276
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| Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:34 am Post subject: |
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| Toranshalur wrote: | | Quote: |
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
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hah |
pfft I don't think any class needs skill since yesterdays patch, you can literally sit there running your elbows over the 1-0 keys and still have half decent dps now!
And yes I was hunter class leader in TBF
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror. - Grunts
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Si vis pacem, para bellum - If you want peace, prepare for the war.
When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.
-- (Dirty Harry, 1971) |
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Grakas
Silly hat collector
Joined: 28 Aug 2008
Posts: 299
Location: Sheep Islands, Tórshavn.
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror. - Grunts |
No way!... or... Yes, you're absolutely correct.
| Quote: | | The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?" |
Harhar xD
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Q: What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until kids hit puperty before it comes on their faces. |
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Sainted
Silly hat collector
Joined: 31 Mar 2008
Posts: 372
Location: Denmark, Åbenrå.
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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I saw it on Ravenous forum some month ago
Ill put some names on those people, for the sake of drama  . Nah its just for fun, and no harm is intended
The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.
Martigen, Junè. I aint an officer, but I like to say when I think something went great, and I like to analyse our perfermance in a greater perspektive.
The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.
Martigen, Buff. Both of them can burst out in frustration when things is just going bad.
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Runningwolf. He knows alot about hunters, but its still unclear to us, why the dps aint over 2k.
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
Jonsa. Over prepared for all fights
The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.
Stefan. His accent, I cant handel his english way of talking.
Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
Doktorka. I know he has a mic, but doesnt use it very often. If he speaks I would for sure TAB-out.
The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.
Trig (Monhays brother). Ohh god.
The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
Monhay, He made the allowed misstakes and was in general a great tank. He had some errors on Illidan but hey, who havnt had that? He was extremly calm and never blaimed anyone.
The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"
Jamba. Admits all his misstakes.
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
Jamba, obvius
The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.
Jedistrike. He is not really a primadonna, but for sure gets out when something is itchy to him. Latest exampel: If 2 people have a conversation in the guild, he would ask them to take it in whisper.
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.
Wipevirus. You ever missed salvation and wondered who the fuck is responsible for that blessing? 
The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.
Æt, Monhay, Toran. Under the mage crisis, Æt was a god. When we talk about agroo issues and tank performance, Monhay and Toran comes to my mind as people that knew how to play.
The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.
Buff. Damn I hated his lazy ass when I joined RM, until I joined the club.
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror.
Trig(Monhays brother). I think he even managed to join on his shaman for 1 run in a dkp raid.
The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive. It makes you a bit worried that an obviously intelligent person thinks you need spoonfeeding
Silchasruin, Obvius choice
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Retired 26th of July 2009. |
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Jonsa
Silly hat collector
Joined: 13 Jul 2008
Posts: 392
Location: Denmark
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| Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:12 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
Jonsa. Over prepared for all fights |
Read every tactic on the entire internet: I only read one and that's wowwiki 
Unable to think critically: I dont seem to remember that one...
Knows where his talk key is: Damn straight. Comes from real life I'd much rather call some1 and get things sorted, than texting the person and sorting it 15 mins later with sore thumbs. Mute me if you dont like it.
Hated by the officers: Yes, my plan of overthrowing the officers and reinsert myself as king of Rigor Mortis is working well atm. Watch your backs, Critler is back in town.
Mage: Fucking yes *commercial break* join us we have cookies (if you give up your raid spot, and hand over loot)
Chick with accent: Yes my tongue piercing does make me sound like a Swedish girl on ecstasy.
Over prepared: I'll tell what happens to the guys who arent prepared at all: They will drop the soap at some point and next wonder what object slided up their ass.
*edit*
would like to add one to the list, which I have come across in every guild.
The illiterate guy - Cant get a 3 word sentence right. Nobody dares to tell him/her that they cant understand shit of what he/she is writing, somehow feels like questioning a guy in a wheelchair. Despite his/herse lack of writing skills, he/she seems to write everything in no less than 5 secs, contributing to a total lack of understandable words. Normally doesn't play too bad, which confuses you, since the tooltips must be in a strange foreign language to him/her.
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Last edited by Jonsa on Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:36 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Toranshalur
Silly hat collector
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 328
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| Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:35 am Post subject: |
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| In the upcoming bitching war, i declare my allegiance to june, as he's better at rubbing my epeen. |
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wipevirus
Hardcore!!
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 9:28 am Post subject: |
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| Sainted wrote: | I saw it on Ravenous forum some month ago
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.
Wipevirus. You ever missed salvation and wondered who the fuck is responsible for that blessing?
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But we don't need them anymore so I love you all again! |
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